Tuesday, November 16, 2010

God's little gift (and I'm not talking about the baby)

My back hurts, I still feel like puking at noon everyday even though I'm well into my second trimester, I'm gassy and bloated and crave things I cannot have.
Pregnancy sucks. But at the same time, it's a beautiful thing....
Dude! They are HUGE! Granted my nipples are silver dollars but that's ok because I now have two perky and full tata's! Screw McDonalds...I'm lovin' my own personal nuggets!
I had forgotten how great I fill out a shirt when I'm pregnant. I may not be Pamela Anderson, but for someone who long swore her allegiance to chicken cutlets, I'm pretty damn happy!
And the best part????
The part that makes me think God's a woman? My husband is NOT allowed to touch them!
They are SUPER sensitive! So, he gets to look at them and get just close enough, but no touching. He cant stand it!
Not only do I feel great, I'm also a "craving" my husband can't have.
So when I feel like I'm fat and gross and too tired to even talk, I know my husband is secretly in agony. That no matter how fat I get, he still wants me...even if it's just for my voluptuous boobs.

Thank you God!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

It's the Simple Things.

I complain a lot. I know this. I've always been like that. And I've never really been the glass half full kind of girl.
It's really hard being pregnant...and 3000 miles away from family and friends....and a housewife whose husband works a lot....but I'm going to write down a few of the simple things that make me happy and get me through the day.

1) Pajamas. I could wear them all day. Especially now that 99% of my clothes don't fit me anymore.
I got new ones last night at Target. They are oversized, one piece, and absolutely hideous. My husband asked me this morning if the outhouse was cold this morning (because I look like a pioneer). They take 10 minutes to take off to go pee, which I do a lot of,make my pregnant tummy look even more pregnant, and are teal and dark blue, and go great with my big fuzzy slippers. And I LOVE them.

2) Crock Pots. I could not live without my crock pot. It's great. We used to go out to eat (my favorite thing to do) when I was too tired to cook, and now I can just put some stuff in and let it sit all day. It fills the house up with the greatest smells too! I have an aversion to just about every smell out there right now.

3) Cinnamon Apple Candles. Speaking of smells...I love the Glade ones that are at Target. They smell like SC in the fall. When the leaves are red, orange, and breathtaking. I miss that. And these candles give me a hint of it all the way out here in Cali.

4) Baby Stuff. For some reason all I have to do is pick up a onesie or smell baby powder and I am overtaken with a great sense of euphoria. I'm not one of those people who love babies even when I"m not pregnant. I don't know what to do with them half the time. Parker will be 7 on Sunday so I'm kind of going at this pregnancy as if it's my first. But the smell and the sense of a baby is so wonderful to me right now. I'm in love. Maybe that's why people have so many children? It's a way to be in love for the first time again over and over. The thought of this baby, and the relationship it's going to have with Parker is what drives me. I hope they have the same wonderful relationship as me and my sister do. I couldn't live without her. And I'm excited to see my husband, who's an only child and has no concept of what its like to have a sibling. He's in for some fun.

and finally

5) Food. I know I know. I'm pregnant, so food will most definitely be on my list. I have a secret...I ate two breakfasts this morning. And I don't feel guilty. I was hungry! I've been tracking my weight because I gained so much with Parker and I don't want to do that again. It's not healthy. But sometimes you just have to indulge. And one of them was a bowl of Special K...and that doesnt even count when you're dieting! My other is MONGOLIAN food!!!!! I have a spice addiction right now and the only cure is Mongolian. It's so spicy and delicious and you can pick what you want to eat! I literally could eat it every single day.

So there it is. See I'm not such a ogre. Although if you see me in my pajamas you might think otherwise :)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

It ain't me babe

I wish I was an "earth mother" type.
I really do. I have a friend who is. She's so fantastic. Her whole family is like that. They are the uber family. She's about 5 foot tall and 90 pounds....pregnant and soaking wet. She ran a marathon at 7 months pregnant with her first child. She never showed any signs of being moody and pregnancy made her prettier (something that I don't think is human and I didn't think she could get prettier).
And we all rolled our eyes when she said she was going to give birth completely natural. But she did.
For the longest time I wanted to be like her. I wanted the same when I was to give birth to my first child, Parker. But that didn't happen.
I was induced with Parker because I was already late and had gained a whopping 60 pounds on my 5 foot 2 inch frame. That was already bad. I wanted a full on painful, no drugs, energizing, and I AM WOMAN birth. The next morning after about 7 hours of labor and them breaking my water with a contraption that looked like something out of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the doc decided to do another ultrasound to see why the baby wasn't coming down.
She had turned and was now breech.
We had to have a c-section. I was horrified and tired and disappointed in myself for not being a "real mother". After the c section, I had to wait in the recovery room until I could move my toes.
Seriously. They said "you can hold your baby when you can move your toes". I was like Uma in the Kill Bill "Pussy Wagon" trying to move my toes.
I was there for an hour. By myself. Crying and feeling very alone. Needless to say, it sucked.

That was my experience in giving birth. It's still hard to think about. But I have come to be ok with the fact that I am not like my friend. And I'm no less of a mother. Shit happens.

My doctor now is kind of pushing me to do a VBAC. Vaginal birth after Cesarean. The risks can be pretty high. Uterine rupture does not sound fun. And considering what I went through last time, a planned c-section doesn't sound so bad. They don't hold you in a room away from your baby here, so no toe moving necessary.

I also watch those birth shows, and I really don't want all my junk laying out for everyone to see. I get cold chills just looking at stirrups. And I'm a pretty gassy person. My poor doctor would not be amused.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I have some time to think on it. But I'm leaning towards c-section.

As for my friend, she's due to give birth all natural again in December. I wish her the best of luck.