I wish I was an "earth mother" type.
I really do. I have a friend who is. She's so fantastic. Her whole family is like that. They are the uber family. She's about 5 foot tall and 90 pounds....pregnant and soaking wet. She ran a marathon at 7 months pregnant with her first child. She never showed any signs of being moody and pregnancy made her prettier (something that I don't think is human and I didn't think she could get prettier).
And we all rolled our eyes when she said she was going to give birth completely natural. But she did.
For the longest time I wanted to be like her. I wanted the same when I was to give birth to my first child, Parker. But that didn't happen.
I was induced with Parker because I was already late and had gained a whopping 60 pounds on my 5 foot 2 inch frame. That was already bad. I wanted a full on painful, no drugs, energizing, and I AM WOMAN birth. The next morning after about 7 hours of labor and them breaking my water with a contraption that looked like something out of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the doc decided to do another ultrasound to see why the baby wasn't coming down.
She had turned and was now breech.
We had to have a c-section. I was horrified and tired and disappointed in myself for not being a "real mother". After the c section, I had to wait in the recovery room until I could move my toes.
Seriously. They said "you can hold your baby when you can move your toes". I was like Uma in the Kill Bill "Pussy Wagon" trying to move my toes.
I was there for an hour. By myself. Crying and feeling very alone. Needless to say, it sucked.
That was my experience in giving birth. It's still hard to think about. But I have come to be ok with the fact that I am not like my friend. And I'm no less of a mother. Shit happens.
My doctor now is kind of pushing me to do a VBAC. Vaginal birth after Cesarean. The risks can be pretty high. Uterine rupture does not sound fun. And considering what I went through last time, a planned c-section doesn't sound so bad. They don't hold you in a room away from your baby here, so no toe moving necessary.
I also watch those birth shows, and I really don't want all my junk laying out for everyone to see. I get cold chills just looking at stirrups. And I'm a pretty gassy person. My poor doctor would not be amused.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I have some time to think on it. But I'm leaning towards c-section.
As for my friend, she's due to give birth all natural again in December. I wish her the best of luck.