Tuesday, February 8, 2011

What to really expect #2

#2 Sitting down and standing up will make you curse more than you ever have.

I admit that I use curse words like they are the icing to my life cake. I can never do the game that makes you give your child a quarter for every bad word you say. That child would be loaded by the time she's 12! But even I have noticed the influx of questionable language recently. Every time I sit down, stand up, put on shoes, pick something up off the floor, or anything that involves bending; I end up sounding like George Carlin after someone woke him up from his deep dead sleep and taunted him with a cigarette and scotch.
You will do this too. Maybe not to the extent I do, but even the nicest most church going pregnant lady will let out a four letter word every now and then. Think about it. You have a watermelon sized uterus, back ache, a fetus kicking your vagina (more on that one tomorrow), and leg cramps. Do you really expect to get up off that comfy couch and mutter "holy smokes, or jeez Louise!" no, that just doesn't cut it.
It's ok. No one is going to fault you. You're just practicing for the birth! It's the one time no one is going critique your manners. So next time your husband, partner, baby daddy, etc. laughs that it takes about 10 minutes to pull yourself off of the chair just turn your head to them and politely say, "fuck off".

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