Monday, February 7, 2011

What to really expect when you're expecting #1

There are all of these things that happen to you when you are pregnant that I have yet to find in a book. I'm sure they're out there but I'm not one to go buy every book/magazine on being pregnant. So I'm going to start putting them on here. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Mostly the ugly. I have 10 weeks left in this pregnancy and I hope to post one a day. So here it goes...

What to Really Expect; Things They Don't Tell You About Being Pregnant

#1 Sneezing while on the toilet is almost as satisfying as pre-pregnancy sex
There comes a point in your pregnancy when even the world champion of kegels will leak a little when she sneezes. This is natural, after all you have another human being pressing against your bladder. So when you go to the toilet for the 10th time in two hours, and you sneeze at the same time, that sweet release could be the most pleasurable thing you've done since conceiving that little bundle. Remember that night you had a one too many glasses of wine and lost all inhibitions, making love to your husband like you were teenagers (er, um, young adults) again? And there were no kids yet so you could be as loud as you wanted too. And after there was this feeling of what used to be, and a comforting realization that you don't have to go through dating and relationship games in order to, frankly, get off like that?

Well when you have to tighten up every muscle in your body and pray to every god out there that you won't lose your whiz when you feel that sneeze coming on in the middle of the crowded grocery store line; then you will know what I mean about sneezing on the can.

So from now on kill two birds with one stone. Feel a sneeze coming on? Run to the toilet, cause I know you have to pee too, and let it all go.

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